Ethan+F's+2015+OpEd+Article



Park like a Decent Human Being

Is it really that hard. Seriously. All that's being asked of you when you park is that you drive your car in between two lines. There's no real reason anyone could screw that up. You'd think that of the skills required to drive, the cessation of such would be a simple task comparatively. Evidently, it's not that easy. Or, in a more likely scenario, some people were born with the douchebag gene.

When you park in multiple spaces, you tell the world, "Everyone here, look at me! Were you trying to find a place to park? Well that sucks for you! Since I'm an insufferable prick and an egotistical blowhard, I've taken up several spaces when I only need one! It's okay, since I feel more important than all of you!" Either that, or you reveal the fact that you're a bad driver who can't function on a high enough level to abide by societal standards. In both cases, you're a disgusting amalgamation of plaque wedged in between yellowed, greasy teeth in the mouth of a crotchety old smoker. You exhume absolute and unequaled stench into the lives of all Earthlings.

Like I said before, parking is not a difficult subject to comprehend. There is a space for which you park. A parking space. One section easily located in between two streaks of paint, the color of which juxtaposes with the color of the asphalt and is thus easily identifiable. One section which every present person has the chance to claim. YOU ARE ONLY SUPPOSED TO TAKE ONE SECTION. This maximizes the amount of people that can occupy a given lot and minimizes the amount of people left without a space, which in turn lessens the amount of people flooding over into other lots and people choosing to park in inconvenient or otherwise risky spaces. To occupy multiple spaces is to throw a wrench in the entire mechanism. It ruins the whole idea of a parking lot. When a car parks in two or more spaces, it means less people can park in the lot where said car has parked, which means many people are going to be inconvenienced when trying to park. How many times have you been searching for a space to park in a parking lot, forced to search for several minutes, frustrated at the fact that you'll either have to wait for someone else to leave or park farther away from the attraction the lot was intended for? This happens to almost everyone at least once. I know it's happened to my parents dozens of times. Imagine now that every time you were pissed off at the apparent lack parking spaces available, it was because some arrogant pile of rotting cartilage took an extra space to make sure no other cars got too close. This person is breaking social contracts by assuming s/he is important enough to deserve double or more the space of the average person, assuming that every potential parking neighbor is as bad at parking as they are, and inconveniencing one or more people who are trying to park as well. Certainly if you met this person face-to-face, you would have a few choice words (or actions) for them.

If your car is bigger than the provided space are you are in turn forced to occupy multiple spaces, that's OK. In this case, it's not the driver's fault. But when you're car fits perfectly into a single space and you park in more than one space anyway, you instantly become a disease to society. There is a system in play which works well enough for all parties involved if you refrain from mucking up the works. Is that too much to ask for?