Ari+S’s+2017+OpEd+Article

“I like CPR with tongue.”

Being a lifeguard is one of the most provocative jobs you can have. Everyone assumes you’re that Baywatch girl running with protruding knockers flirting with every guy or girl possible. In reality most of the attention you’ll get are from creepy older men or young pubescent Boys. Getting whistled at or being asked by little pubescent boys if I’ll save them as they pretend to flounder in the water to get my attention is not fun. Seriously grow up. I have the strength to pull a 250+ grown man from the bottom of the pool and out of the water as well as the 15 pound back board. So bro back off. It would be a piece of cake to snap your ribs like a toothpick during CPR. DON’T test me.

You’re poor excuses to try and “pick me up” are revolting. Especially the whistles you make to get my attention, or when you come stand directly next to me; have you ever heard of a personal bubble. Your sick pervertedness is not in anyway making you seem friendly or attractive “ya filthy animal”.

So please next time you see a Baywatch hottie don’t even try. We are most likely on edge and sunburned to the max, we won’t even waste our breath on you trying to make a comeback.