Hannah+A's+OpEd+Article




 * That Pointless Piece of Clothing: The Vest**

By: Hannah Alday

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Vests. The most pointless piece of “fashion” ever invented. Now I am no where near a fashion expert, but I know vests are fashion suicide, contrary to common belief. Unlike a shirt they don’t keep you warm, unlike a tank top you actually have to wear a separate shirt underneath it, thus defeating the purpose of keeping you cool. Long a member of the three-piece suit family, the professional meaning of a vest has been perverted by casual wearing. Once an esteemed symbol of business and expertise, vests are now worn by anyone. The styles have become sluttier, hinting at a different form of expertise. Even hunting and motorcycle vests have been tainted by our society’s perchance for mixing of taste. No longer does a bright orange and camo vest show that you are a huntsman, now it could be anything and people who come up and ask you "what kind of animals do you hunt?" are left feeling ridiculous when you give them a blank stare. Worst of all are jean vests. Jean vests with fake fur collars lead me to despair. Why? Where is the point to that? Perhaps my hatred is due to a childhood trauma but that doesn’t mean it is unfounded. Jean furry vests are practically the uniform of pedophiles. I scoff at the brass buttons that attempt to lend some outdoorsman creditability to the hateful concoction. I can never wear light jeans thanks to the main material of the odious garment. What is with the fur? Honestly I have no idea. Maybe an unwelcome tribute to the memory of some road kill. Society needs to wake up and realize what a terrible atrocity vests are to civilization. They should be worn only by crossing guards and business people. Anything else is an affront to human decency. So next time you think of buying a vest do us all a favor and don’t.