Seraphina+R’s+2018+OpEd+Article

I was 13, dangerously clueless and morbidly optimistic. You called me beautiful. I should've known better.

You closed the door, you locked it. I should've known better.

You told me you wanted to show me how much you liked me. I should have known better.

You didn't listen to my objections. You didn't let me leave. I should have known better.

You said you were just messing around, that it was a joke, that you didn't know how I felt. That was a lie. I should have known better. **... **

I was 14, reckless, I met you at a party. You kissed me. I should have known better.

You said I was unique, but you told everyone that. I should have known better.

You said you wanted to take me out, but you had something else in mind. I should have known better. ` You took me to a place we could be alone. I wore a dress. I should've known better.

You pulled me closer, I pulled away. I tried to go back but you made sure I stayed. I should have known better.

**... **

You had hurt me once before. I should have known better.

I didn't want to be alone with you, so I suggested the beach, a public place… who would have thought. I should have known better.

It was unusually empty that day, strange for a warm saturday at the state beach. I didn't think much of it. I should have known better.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I layed out my towel parallel to yours, but you suggested we share and use one as a blanket, I should have known better.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">You inched closer because you were cold, it was a hot day. I should have known better.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I thought the water would be safer but you were persistent. You grabbed me. I should have known better.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Every time I tried to swim away you pulled me closer and every time I refused to let your lips touch mine, I found myself under water. You saw the look of panic on my face, asked why I was scared of the ocean, what a silly question. I stopped trying. I should have known better.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I was alone, the beach still empty offered no protection it was time to leave. I couldn't let this go on longer. I should have known better.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">There was a bathroom. You tugged on my arm. I wouldn't let the door close this time. I stood up and said no, stronger this time. I said no with conviction, with authority. And to my dismay, still you pulled. Luckily a man spoke louder than I could. You let me go, and closed the door leaving me outside. The man asked if I was alright, I said yes. I should have known better.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Nothing changed. But what did I expect. I should have known better.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">You took me to a picnic table conveniently shaded by trees. Nothing I said or did could change the situation. I pulled, you pulled harder. My parents were an hour away. I should have known better.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">30 minutes left. I yelled. No one could hear me. You slid my shorts to the side. The things you said to me were sick. The things you did to me were sicker. There was no denying you knew how I felt this time, but the truth was you really didn’t care. I should have known better.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">You said i deserved it and I should have known better. **<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 24pt;">... **

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">15, and in “love”. I should have known better.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">You wanted to study, but you never took my help. I should have known better.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">You said I was smart. I should have known better.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">You wanted to go somewhere quiet. I should have known better.

**<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 24pt;">... **

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">16 and alone. You asked me how I was doing. I should have known better.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">You said you needed a friend. I should have known better.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">You said it was just a bathroom. You should have known better.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">You said it was just a hug. I should have known better.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">You wanted to warm your hands. You should have known better.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">You said you were sorry. I knew better. **<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 24pt;">... **

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">You touched me during prayer. You took my religion.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">You touched me through my tears. You took my decision.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">You touched me but you didn't have permission.