Estelle+S’s+2017+OpEd+Article

=Why it Doesn't Matter=

===You shouldn’t care so much about what other people think of you. Snide remarks: “you’re too this” or “you’re too that”, are taken to heart. And we listen, whether it comes from a parent, a teacher, a friend, or even a stranger. Airy compliments are swooned over, and offensive remarks are overthought. It is one thing if it’s coming from someone who has your best interest, but if not, why worry about it?===

===In reality, people often say things in the moment, without thinking much of it. Whether it’s to put on a show or have a vengeful roast, it can all feel too personal. We have a social common denominator: to want to relate positively to others. Forget people’s standards and let go of perfectionism. It is only natural to want to be a part of something, society’s categories of --smart, beautiful, funny, but they are often misrepresented. Disapproval is just one person’s opinion, and you don’t need to go down on two knees asking for everyone’s blessing. Even if you’re the most perfect person in the world, someone will find an un-existing flaw. If you are remarkably beautiful, there will be someone who rates you a 1 out of 10.===

===I’ve always tried to stay on people’s good side, even if I don’t particularly like them. It could be partly the fact I’m trying to be a good person and give them the benefit of the doubt, but more so, it is out of fear of judgement. It’s not so much what they think, but who they tell. What reputation I set to a bunch of people I barely even know, when really the important reputations are to the people you care about and the ones you least think about. Other people could believe everything they hear, but the beauty of it is, once they actually get to know you, and distinguish what is true, the rumors won’t matter. Either way people forget. Taking things personally is only going to hold you back… from what you think, what you say, who you are, and most of all you’re confidence. Doubt kills more dreams than failure. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent,” which is completely true.===

===Circulating comments on social media is a whole other level of sensitivity. Writing accusations that can be read, re read, or practically memorized make it all the more important to deflect condescending comments. There are the people with a legitimate problem, the constructive critics, people who jokingly roast, trollers or scammers, and then people who actually attack. They all may feel harsh, but problems are meant to be discussed, constructive feedback is important for change, and trollers don’t even necessarily have a reason to argue. That is why you need to be able to differentiate these.===

===I’m not so much talking about bullying, as the ever so often negative comments that make people feel insecure. Just saying hurtful things to an averagely stable person can lead to negative outlets, or for others suicide. You don’t know if you’re saying it to someone who already suffers depression; or whether you’re telling a bipolar joke to someone who is bipolar. People aren’t going to stop talking, but you can stop listening.===