Haley+L’s+2015+OpEd+Article



If only I would have... If only I had... If only...

Every time I say this phrase to myself, I always correct myself because it is one of the most toxic things to say. Regretting that something happened, wanting to change it so that it would forever be forgotten. This phrase is fine in some circumstances, however, I have seen the words, "If only I would have" rip people apart.

A couple of years ago, May 12, 2011 to be exact, a tragic accident occurred. Nicholas Haverland was killed from a drunk driver, who swerved into the bicycle lane and killed him instantly. Nicholas was supposed to leave to Hawaii for college in a couple of months, with a life ahead of him, when suddenly he was taken from our world. A family friend, ripped from your grasp in a split moment. Before this all happened however, he was at his friends house eating a snack, before he headed off to Ventura College. The mom of his friend wanted him to stay a couple of minutes longer so that he could finish his food, however he didn't want to be late to his class. So he left... The mother said after the accident that if only she would have made him stay a little longer, he may have avoided the incident.

Uttering the words, "If only I would have..." opens doors of regret that can make you sink into a hole of depression. Wishing that you would have just studied a little more, or if you would have only tried a little harder. If only is usually surrounded by negative context. Living in the world if only means that you are living in the past. Instead of living in the world of if only, we need to see that life is short beyond words. One day may be our last.

A couple years back, someone we knew had a fight with their loved one, throwing out words that they wish they could forever take back because that was the last time they ever saw them. Sometimes, we wish we would have left a person with different words, or would have been able to say goodbye to them for the last time. I wish that I would have been able to have one last conversation with my grandma, but I know that I will never be able too, and I know to let it be. Some things, you cannot change. It's hard, but you have to remember the good times and the bad times. Remember the good memories, and learn from the bad ones. Instead of living in sorrow, learn from the pain, let the pain be, and learn to forgive yourself for things you wish you would have done differently.

We need to learn that life is unfair and that we need to let things go. The world will slap you in the face, with unfortunate and traumatic experiences, but we need not to wish things happened differently. It will never change. We need to learn to accept things. To stop cringing and wonder all of the scenarios that could change a past experience. Never wish to change the past, but instead, learn from the past and live in the present. Don't overthink things. Live life to the fullest, because it may be taken away from you. Remember the past, reminisce it. But remember that it is a Wild World.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_0U3DlLFSU (Wild World)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajCYQL8ouqw (Let it Be)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xB4dbdNSXY (Imagine)