Chris+H's+Op-Ed+Article



**When "Thinking Outside The Box" Would Have Been A Good Idea**

media type="file" key="Muckraker Essay.mp3" align="center" width="240" height="20"

media type="file" key="chrish-muckrakers-2012.mp3" ==== “It was a beautifully sunny day when the SUV and the box met. One could never hope for more perfect conditions. Once they met, it was an instant attraction. All their friends said it would never work. A few years later, they got married and had a child that the world was stunned at. Needless to say, they should have listened to their friends.” ====

==== Yes, I'm talking about those abominations known as (car-boxes/box-cars/boxes on wheels). I can’t imagine how the meeting for the design of this thing went, but I’d bet it involved a drunken design artist delivering a half-assed presentation to a drunken company board that said, “What the hell, lets make this piece of crap!” and then proceeded to drive their million dollar cars off a cliff. ====

==== Perhaps it is my own understanding at fault, but I just don’t get why ANYONE would purchase this car. You want something good on fuel? Get a hybrid. You want a family vehicle? Get an SUV. Looking for a fancy car? Get a luxury sedan. You want to drive a literal rectangular prism that makes people like me doubt your intelligence and want to shove potatoes up your exhaust pipe? Then stop being a pansy and grow a pair. ====

==== One other thing I’ve noticed is that these “Box-People” are not the best drivers. They swerve in and out of lanes, ignoring your horn and the Right Turn on Red law we have here in California. This is most likely because they are trying to figure out what the sun is or why one pedal makes them go while the other makes them stop. Now for those with the unfortunate burden of knowing (or worse, being related to) these wanna-be hipsters who own a Box, I’d like to describe a 4-Step process for helping them: ====

Step 1. Tell them you are throwing a party. They will believe you because Box-Owners are extremely gullible.
==== Step 2. Write up directions to a nearby lake, and write in one turn that enters the lake. If they ask for the location so they can use GPS, tell them it’s a “surprise,” and they will believe you (refer to Step 1). ====