Lorrie+L’s+OpEd+Article



My father is a wonderful man, he really is. Unfortunately, among all of the great qualities he was blessed with, one of the not so great ones was his archaic views concerning the role of women in marriage.

Now, my dad is a smart man, but in no way near my mom’s level of intelligence. My mom is a genius. She majored in math in college until her father told her she needed to switch to English, because teaching English, //he // believed, would suit her better. This was fine, because my mom always loved English. She switched majors, studied abroad for a year, got married, went to grad school, and started teaching at university level as soon as she got her master’s degree. Then my older sister Sara was born. Mom stopped teaching for a year to take care of Sara, and then went back. Fast forward a couple more years and I come into the picture. This time, my dad decided it would be best for Mom to give up her career indefinitely. His and society’s views on female homemakers pressured her into selling herself short and living the next 17+ years driving a minivan, teaching herself ancient Greek, doing the hardest crossword and Sudoku puzzles she can find, reading old syllabi she taught, and watching Jeopardy. Clearly unhappy, unchallenged, and unmotivated by her state, which was nothing near what she had expected when she first went to school.

Another example of this opinion would be at my cousin’s wedding a couple years ago, where the minister was rambling on and on about how my cousin Aaron’s role in the marriage would be the leader, and Jenn ( his wife) would do her part by following him and letting him be at the front. This was a pretty typically traditional view of marriage, but while I consider myself a fairly traditional person, I had a //lot// of trouble with this, as anyone who knows me I’m sure could predict. It bothered my sister quite a bit too, so at the reception we were discussing it and Sara decided to bring my dad into the conversation. We voiced our displeasure at the far outdated delegation of titles, and all my dad did was quote Old Testament scripture at us to reinforce his (and the minister’s) views. I’ve been a part of the Christian church my entire life, but even so I could tell right away that this was not how I wanted my marriage to be, and quite frankly, I believe Christ would agree with me, at least in regards to having an equal say and holding equal footing as my husband, much less not being his doormat. As I’m sure you can predict, the conversation didn’t end how Sara or I would have liked; the only other poignant thing my dad said was that he hoped Sara and I would realize what he was talking about and have as happy a marriage as he and my mom have (LOL) and as he knows Aaron and Jenn will have with their views on the subject at hand.

I love my dad, I really honestly do. He is calm, loving, non-confrontational, and so generous. He’s not oppressive or blatantly sexist, but still he is one of the most narrow-minded people I know, especially regarding the female’s place in marriage, and while that’s never a good thing to be, when you have children (//THREE **GIRLS**//) I believe it’s a new level of bad entirely, because those children will see your views and feel as if they need to be confined by them. Growing up, when they inevitably screw up or break those constraints, they expect judgment and scorn because they didn’t follow the status quo. They'll wonder what to do when they may not want to follow the path on the right as shown above. It doesn’t matter that they hear the spoken words, “it’s okay, we still love you,” because behind them they’ll still hear, “but that’s not how it’s supposed to be.” You will still love them, but you’ll be disappointed and probably, albeit maybe involuntarily, hold yourself on higher moral standing. That’s never a good way to raise children, especially with the expectations for such traditional outcomes weighing them down along the way.