Shannon+T’s+OpEd+Article


 * First kisses and other disappointing things. **



I shall let all of you in on an embarrassing fact about me. I had my first kiss this past summer, and I ran away. What basically happened was I hung out with him and other friends at the fair, and at the Cobra Starship concert, he kissed me. Immediately, I regretted it. Not because he was a bad person or anything like that, but because I knew I didn't, nor ever would, have romantic feelings toward him. The next few days were a flurry of different emotions; one minute I was excited because here was a boy who actually had shown the slightest interest in me, and the next minute, I was feeling guilty and wanted nothing to do with him. Eventually, I ended up giving him the cold shoulder and he moved on.

My point in this being that I, and I really hope he never reads this, was disappointed in my first kiss. As much as I hate to admit it, Disney movies and chick flicks led me to believe that your first kiss was supposed to be this magical thing shared with the person you loved most. In all honesty, by this time I had realized that the guy I truly had wanted my first kiss to be with (if you read any of my love blogs, you’ll know who I’m talking about), was gone and wasn’t coming back. I suppose I had just given up on the whole notion of love and was willing to sacrifice this big moment (well, big moment for me) to a boy who I deep-down knew thought of me as only a hook-up.

Regardless, my life has been a series of disappointing moments. I learned how to ride a bike for the first time, I immediately fell off. I found this cool unknown band whose concert tickets are always low-price, they suddenly become known and I can no longer afford anything of theirs. I really fell for a guy for the first time, he turns out to be sex-crazed. I suppose that it’s my own fault that I am constantly being let down, because I keep building things up to the extent that I’ll always be disappointed, no matter the outcome.

But the way I see it is why //shouldn’t// I have high expectations? Isn’t that the joy in life? I should be able to build up events like having my first kiss or that one time I went to Magic Mountain with my friends and have it so those instances completely fulfill my expectations so I’ll remember those little things when I’m older. I should be able to create these lasting memories that I’ll be able to laugh about at my tenth-school reunion. I don’t want these moments to just fade away from my memory when I’m older; I want to be able to remember all these stories so that when I die, I know I lived a life with no regrets.