Jaqueline+F’s+2017+OpEd+Article

=Innocence being taken away =

One doesn’t realize the emotional toll a traumatic event can cause on a child. I have seen it first hand with a friend who moved away a couple years ago. We were very close friends yet went to different schools. What had happened to my friend is something I never wish upon someone, she as a seven year old was molested by two different people, one was her neighbor and the other was her dad’s coworker. Her parents only knew about the neighbor but after some years my friend finally told her parents.

Before she did, she experienced massive depression and nightmares. Her parents did take her to some therapy sessions but they stopped after a while because she was seven at the time. She was ten, at ten years old this child had depression and very dark thoughts. When she finally told them about the coworker, they finally sent him to jail but the emotional damage has been done. Her parents lost all trust in her because she supposedly lied about the coworker but for fucks sake she was seven at the time. After that incident she moved away to the next town so I was able to communicate with he r. We talked and laughed and tried to forget about the past. Some days she would be happy as her old self but some days her depression was too much and she just sat there crying.

She struggled a lot with her emotions and her parents. I remember at times that they wouldn’t let her alone in the house for five minutes. They became overprotective parents while all she wanted was a for her incident to not define her as a person. I remember her telling me that when her mother got furious she would bring up the fact that she lied. She and her mother had intense trust issues because of it. But none the less the soldiered on because what life has taught her was this: no one fucking cares about your life, one has to be a Trouper and burry the emotions in order to get on with life. No one is going to stop for the right amount of time to help someone. I know it sucks but it was her reality, she accepted the fact and went on with life.

With her going to a new school where she had no friends was difficult. She spent all of fifth grade to eighth grade in therapy. Yes she spent 4 years trying to fix herself emotionally. When I did see her, she was happier, she made a few friends joined sports to distract herself from and slept a lot better. But her transition was long and difficult. She would have major relapses but none the less she kept going along life. One thing that she will never get back no matter how much work she does is her innocence. She will no longer feel safe around single men not because she hates them but it’s been ingrained into her mind ever since she was a child that these types of people are a threat to her. She will no longer be able to hear about sexual themes without images coming to her head. She will no longer have the trust of her parents. She will no longer have a happy childhood. She will no longer be able to say what she truly feels because she will always live with crippling depression. She will no longer have her innocence. Yes please feel bad because this happens more than you think. As she will no longer be able to forget about those painful memories, at all, never, she will die with her woes.

Yes she will be able to get married and have kids but she will always love with this. She will have to disclose this shit with her husband and she will have to find a guy who will be understanding. She will have to tell her kids if she chooses, she will have to tell her friends if she chooses and she will have to tell her teachers and coworkers and bosses and everyone because it is what she is. That those men took away something precious that can never be given back no matter how much we want it to come back. Her innocence will never come back and she was never the same since she was seven.

After the eighth grade her family moved away and she decide to cut me from her life, I really didn’t care as I had my own friends and I understood that I was a part of her life that she didn’t want to have anymore. She changed her phone number and since then we have never been in contact, I just hope she is doing better.