Bryn+T’s+2015+OpEd+Article



When two people marry they become in the eyes of the law one person, and that one person is the husband. ~Shana Alexander, //State-by-State Guide to Women's Legal Rights //, 1975

//** A Bryn By Any Other Name; or, Why I Will Change My Name **//// ** Only ** //// ** on My Own Terms ** //

In the past, a woman took a man’s last name because, upon marriage, she became his property. I am not property.

“But it’s tradition!” you cry. It also would have been a tradition to sell me to a man in my early teens. I am worth [|eight goats,] if anyone dares try their hand.

“But aren’t you proud to be his husband? Proud of his accomplishments?” Certainly, or at least I hope I would be. Do you want to know what else I’m proud of? My own accomplishments. My own life. My own story.

“It just makes it so much harder to remember that you have different last names! How will I address letters to the both of you?” Well, I’m terribly sorry that my individuality is a source of inconvenience to you. I’m afraid you’re just going to have to learn to write smaller. However will you manage, you poor thing?

“If it’s really that big of a deal to you, why don’t you just do the hyphenate-y* thingy?” Because my identity will not be an addendum just to appease your sense of “tradition.”

Identity is not limited to a single gender. The sense of self connected to one’s name is not just the property of a man. For too long now, women have been expected to subordinate themselves to their husbands upon marriage. Yes, things are better now, much better. But the very fact that “trophy wives” still exist tells me that we still have a long way to go.

If you choose to take your partner’s last name if and when you marry, I will be the last to stop you. It’s your choice, and as long as you’re making it for yourself and not to live up to the expectations of others, nobody should tell you otherwise.

But if you ever try to force me or anyone else to do the same, I will fight you. Because I have fought a long, hard fight under this name.

I will be no “rose in any man’s lapel.” I will give it up only for myself.

*My name is already hyphenated because I carry both my mother’s and my father’s last names. Seems fair, as my mother was the one doing the heavy lifting, so to speak.