Maizie+A’s+2017+OpEd+Article

Finding Herself and the Wild Geese

“You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” - Mary Oliver, Wild Geese.



Yoga saved her.

She was wilting from the lack of the water that is life. She was tired of silently dying in a dark corner. Her spirit seemed broken, and she was not the same. She became mean, hurtful, and full of loathing. From slumber to screams. A constant state of confusion. All of us desperate for change.

A monster lived inside her brain.

There was a monster in her head, and that same monster slept beneath my bed. We were all fearful of its return, which resulted in fearful frustration. She would tell me that she promised to stay alive to finish her duty as my mother, but I saw how hard she had to work to do so. She was depressed, tired of being cooped up, and exhausted by the daily struggle.

And then yoga saved her.

First came art. Her art journals were full of vibrant colors. An array of sceneries, and love, even the right amount of beautiful sadness. We could see her begin to blossom once again. The paint and brushes gave her the nutrients to live, and happiness to continue. But it was yoga that has sent her on a journey of self discovery and rebuilding. It is yoga that has brought my mother back to life, and changed her forever.

She is learning how to feel, not just to think, and how to listen to hear not to speak. Her journey is exposing her to a world of rich love, and self value. She is finding beauty where she once believed beauty could not be found. My mother is transforming before my eyes through her journey, and at last she is saved.

Yoga saved her.

The beauty of yoga is that it is a journey throughout the body and the chakras. And no journey would be complete without some form of struggle or obstacle. For without struggle, there would be no growth. For my mom, the hardest aspect to this lifelong journey is the movement from head to heart; thinking to feeling. Alas she is trapped once again.

For over 40 years my mother lived in an analytical world where reason was the most important. She was stuck thinking, yet this constant state of thought prevented her from feeling. Yoga has given her the opportunity to feel rather than think. A beautiful experience that all should be exposed to.

While she has begun the journey of learning how to open herself to the world, she is afraid of feeling. She has seen the danger of vulnerability, and taught herself that to feel is the opposite of stability. To be successful she must reteach herself.

So now she is stuck. Stopped. Passive. She has stopped thinking to allow feelings to prevail, yet she is afraid of feeling. Progression has stopped, and for it to continue, she must open herself to both the head and the heart. It is my hope that by the experience yoga provides she will be able to find a balance between thinking and feeling, and allow everyone to see her as a whole. You see “She does not have to walk on her knees/for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting./She only has to let the soft animal of her body/love what it loves.”

I don’t think I fully realized that my mother was a full fledged yogi until I found the two of us buying stones from a woman named Maile who grew up in a hippie commune, and had an alarm set for hug sessions.

My mothers world, and who she recognizes herself as has been changing for awhile, and for the better. She is far from who she once was, and it is a beautiful transformation. Surprisingly though, it took me feeling Maile’s embrace and the atmosphere of raw love to fully recognize, and appreciate this great change.

Yoga has taught my mother to love deeply, and is taking her on a journey I will forever be grateful for. It is this journey that has brought my mother back to life, and has made her the best friend anyone could ever ask for. As she softens, I do as well. She teaches me the secret beauty of the world, and the art of simple love.