Ethan+S;s+OpEd+Article

The Real Me


 * I’m done lying to myself, my family, my friends everyone. In a perfect world I wouldn't have to say this, but it’s not a perfect world. I don’t know if this is the right time, but I also don’t know if there will ever be a “right time.” I have constantly wondered for 5 years, “Is this the real me” or “Am I just confused,” but recently I have realized that YES this is the real me, and NO I am not “confused.” For what seems like my whole life, I have been told that homosexuality is a “very serious sin.” But how can something that isn't a choice be a “very serious sin?” Why would God make me the way that I am, if it’s a “very serious sin.” And I feel like apologizing would be pointless. I haven't told anyone in my family and I’m sure that if they don’t find out the second this is posted, they will eventually read it. My parents have always told me, that if I’m happy that they will be happy. And my older brother has always told me that if I’m going to do something than I need to own it, that no matter what I stand for, if I am confidant and I own myself than no matter what I do, he will respect me. Even though I honestly don’t know what my family will think or say, I just hope that they will know that I am the same person I have always been. **


 * The reason that I am scared about telling everyone is, one, I’m Mormon and in my religion it is absolutely “against everything” to be gay. If you are, than you aren't accepted, you aren't respected, and you are strongly encouraged to force yourself to never act upon feelings of same sex attraction. But it’s not just attraction. I honestly don’t think that I could ever fall deeply in love with a women. Who is to say that the love that is experienced between a gay or lesbian couple isn't the same as the love that is experienced between a straight couple. I have sat through entire lessons in Sunday school where the bishop told us that being gay was a choice and a sin. A boy in my class said (quite ignorantly) that “being black isn't a choice, but being gay is.” there are multiple flaws with this phrase, one being that he is saying that someone that is black is somehow disabled or disadvantaged, and that being gay was a choice and that people that choose to be this way are disabled or disadvantaged. But the worst part was that the bishop agreed with him. I suppose that right now, I am making a choice. But the choice I am making has nothing to do with how I was born. It has to do with me, accepting me. I can’t let myself care if other people will accept me, because I know that everyone won’t accept me. And that is something that I am willing to deal with for the rest of my life. I would rather live a life that I accept myself, than one that everyone accepts me except myself. **


 * The second reason that I am scared to tell people is, what are my parents going to think and what are my grandparents going to think? Well I would like to think that my parents will accept me for who I am, and if my grandparents don’t then I have my parents. And if neither accept me then, I don’t know what I am going to do. **


 * Just in general, I wanted to tell you why I am telling everyone this. I want to be completely honest with everyone, and I don’t think that I can wait any longer. I just turned 16, and in my family that is the age that I can date people, but why would I go on dates with girls, when I just see girls as friends. And I can’t lie to my parents, my friends, and my peers any longer. No, just because I’m gay doesn't mean that I’m checking you out, and please just treat my like anyone else. I want to be able to live my life the way that I want. I want to be able to be honest with my family. I want to be able to be happy. And I don’t see myself ever being happy, if I leave this as a secret forever. **


 * I’d like to thank everyone that has supported me, without them life would be 100x harder. **


 * (This post was posted on Grace Stewart's wiki account because when I joined in English last Friday something happened and apparently I didn't join, and my name is Ethan T. Not Ethan S.) **