Emily+S’s+OpEd+Article



=**__ Respect and Communication: It’s a Two Way Thing __**=

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“You know you’re Asian if you have 4 hobbies: studying, studying, playing violin/piano, and studying.” I know what some of you guys are thinking: how racist! Here’s the thing, it ISN’T racist because IT’S TRUE. Ever since I was young, my parents always pushed me to achieve the highest level of success. It sounds like a good thing, right? Train the child to strive for the highest and be the best, and they get used to it. This started when I was in 1st grade. Their intentions were and still are good, but they don’t understand that I get burnt out. They never understood that a 1st grader needed time to just go outside and play or have a lot of play dates to have fun. My parents always wanted me to practice my piano, practice my writing, read or play by myself because I needed to “develop good studying habits” even though I was only 6.=====

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When my parents signed me up for piano lessons, they never asked for my opinion. They told me to come to the music store with them one day and being the “obedient” 6 year old I was, I just did what I was told. I remember looking at the different instruments and then being called over by my parents. That was when they told me I would start piano lessons on Monday. I didn’t think anything of it, so Monday came and I went to my first piano lesson. I hated it. I remember being in 4th grade when I finally told my parents that I hated piano and I didn’t want to do it anymore. They wouldn’t listen to me. They just shrugged and said it was good for me and I needed to suck it up and keep going. I was so devastated that I had to continue something I loathed.=====

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5th grade came and my parents forced me to take taekwondo lessons. That is the one decision I will always be thankful for. It is my second family, my second home. I never want to leave, I love the energy and the fact that I get to punch and hit “targets” and people. If I had a bad day at school, I looked forward to taekwondo, so I take out my anger on bags and kicking pads. I became a volunteer instructor in middle school and still am today. The people there are my family. On most days, I just want to spend all of my time at taekwondo. My parents recently realized they didn’t like the idea of me spending more time at the studio. They told me it was becoming too expensive, which I could understand, but when they told me that it was taking away my homework and studying time, my heart broke. Until 10th grade, my parents never had a problem with me spending my Mondays and Wednesdays at taekwondo. Now, they cut my hours to volunteering once a week and as if that wasn’t enough for them, last week, my dad told me I could only take class once a week, too. He said that I have been socializing too much and need to cut down, drastically.=====

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My dad has never liked me getting involved in church activities. He says it’s also a waste of my life. Recently, I went to Anaheim Youth Day, which is where 5,000 teens from churches in California or near California go to the Anaheim Convention Center. There are no words to explain it. It is the most amazing feeling being with thousands of other teenagers all excited about their faith. I was offered to be part of the main skit and when I told my dad that in December, he was fine with it. He said that as long as I had my homework done and I didn’t fall behind, it was okay if I joined. So I committed myself and went to the practices. A couple weeks before the event, I reminded him that I was still going and he was still okay with it. A couple days before, I reminded him yet again and he lost it. He got super mad at me for wasting a day of my life to go to some “religious freak” event. I walked away because I couldn’t deal with him and when my mom tried to explain to him that I have been planning this for months, he started blaming her for everything. “You obviously don’t care about your daughter because you’re letting her go to this instead of thinking about her academics” was what he yelled. “You know, church doesn’t get her into colleges, it’s a waste of her time and you’re letting her think it’s okay to be deep in her faith” followed. He added in a lot of curse words I refuse to repeat.=====

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My dad is strong willed, which can be a good thing, but he is strong willed and short tempered. I remember the moment I lost respect for my father. It was last January. We just bought our new puppy, Oliver. He was still being house trained and he had an accident in the house. It was 11pm at night and I just finished my homework. He and my mom were watching T.V. and he called me over. He told me to clean up after //my// dog. Let’s get one thing straight: when Oliver does something good, he is “my dad’s” dog and whenever Oliver does something that requires effort (feeding, walking, etc.) he is “my dog”. I told him this when I refused to clean up after him because I was so tired and walked away. I was changing into my pajamas and I hear, “F***, now I’m pissed!” he storms into my room and yells, “Who the hell do you think you are?! You live in my house and when I tell you to do something, you will do as I say!” We were so close to getting into a fist fight and my mom was terrified. All she could say was, “Emily, back off.” She didn’t even try to defend me; she took my dad’s side because she was scared. She won’t admit it, but I knew she was scared to tell my dad to cool down, so she told me, giving my dad a victory. From that moment on, he constantly got mad at me for all the little things: forgetting my phone, going to my friend’s house instead of studying, going to a church leadership camp, etc. Last December, I asked to go Fall Rally for KIWIN’s and he shot it down quickly. He said it was the same day as my SAT boot camp and I told him that I needed to go because I was president and it was community service. He immediately said, “So you would rather save your face than your future. I swear, you’re a car crash waiting to happen.”=====

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On Valentine’s Day, I received my scores back for the January SAT. I almost cried in MedTech, but because I didn’t want people seeing me, I held in in until I got home. I got an 1850. I didn’t cry because of the score, but what followed the score. I was proud that I raised my score 300 point since I first started studying and I knew it was a good start. I cried because even though I worked super hard, I knew it wasn’t enough for my dad and I was right. On February 18, I told him my score and he told me I failed because I obviously didn’t put any effort into trying to get a 2100 as if I didn’t sacrifice every Saturday to study for 8 hours straight. On Thursday, we were alone in the house and during dinner, I asked to go to District Convention for KIWIN’s and he was okay with it. Then he said that he had to be the parent because my mom refused to and I needed to focus on my future and SAT in June; that meant that either I told my taekwondo studio I couldn’t volunteer once a week anymore or he would, I could only take class once a week, there was no friends, no Relay for Life, no life outside of staying home, studying, piano lessons, and volunteering at the hospital on Wednesdays. I told him I was a co-captain for Relay for Life and he didn’t care. He cares about the grades, the scores, the academics, not the well-rounded aspect colleges look for.=====

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My mom says she’s different, I think she wishes she could be different. My dad has corrupted her. She has become harder hearted. She says faith is important, but refuses to let me go to church events. She says balance is important, but she agrees with my father the majority of the time and tells me to stay home and study. I can see her support and encouragement slipping away, replaced by anger and disappointment.=====

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I find it sad that I have lost respect for my father. I’ve tried to explain my situation of the stress and pressure he and Mom put on me. Communication and respect has to go both ways in order for it to work. My dad doesn’t understand that. He won’t listen. The result is a fight and my heart breaking even more. He has good intentions, but the way he expresses them is highly frustrating. I hear how my friends have such funny stories about their dads and the fun they have. I try to remember the times where I looked up to my father and we had fun. I can’t remember them now. My memory is full of bad memories with my father, I find it tragic. He keeps crushing my heart, sooner or later, there will be nothing left to break. I remember in 8th grade when I was asked who my role model is and I answered, “My dad”. Now, if I was asked that same question, I would say, “Anyone but my father.”=====


 * P.S. I really enjoy piano now, but I didn’t before 8th grade….