William+N’s+2017+OpEd+Article

Am I a Demon? Every day I wake I am grateful to be alive. For while I am sleeping, I dream of my death. Horrible ways to die. Mortifying ways to die. My body twisted and turned in ways a demon could only dream of. I am a demon, or so they tell me. They live in my head. When I was young, I began to hear them. My mother took me to a special doctor. It started with a P. He specialized in the brain I think. I don’t remember. He said I had some disease. It started with an S. Skizofrenia. No. Sshizofrenia. No. Schizophrenia! That’s the one. He said I had that. He said I wouldn’t be able to fix it, but I could take medication to limit it. I do. I have been for almost a decade. But they still dominate my life. I take my medication. They say it is cyanide. I take a drink. They say it is hemlock. I take a bite of food. They say it is arsenic. Why do I not die from the poison? Can demons die? I don’t think they can. Am I a demon?

I wake in the night, trembling in fear. I look to my doorway. I see a shadow. It is just..standing. What is it? It looks like a person. A man. A pale, emotionless man. What? He just reached for his back pocket. What is he reaching for? What does he have in his hand? What is that? A knife? His emotionless face turns to a grin. He leaps to me. He almost lands until...nothing. He is gone. Was the man real? In the dark, I look around for him. Nothing. Is this blood on my hands? I walk to the bathroom. I see blood. I wash, but no blood comes off. Strangely, there is no bloody water. I glance to look at my face. I look the same. I look back at my hands. No more blood. Was the blood real? I stop washing. I look back up to the mirror. I see the man behind me. His emotionless face turns to a grin. He stabs me. I feel no pain. He raises his knife until...nothing. He is gone. I check my back for the wound, but there isn’t one. Was the man real? He couldn’t have been, for I didn’t get a wound. They tell me he was real. They tell me to check again. I do. Nothing. They say the wound should have killed me. But I am still alive. Can demons die? I don’t think they can. Am I a demon?

It is day. Time to make breakfast. I go to the kitchen. What makes a good breakfast. I do not want something heavy. Fruit! Fruit is easy to make. I will have some fruit. I grab an orange, bowl, cutting board, and knife. This knife looks like the one I got stabbed with. They tell me to not worry about it. I begin to cut the orange. First, take off all the skin. Now, cut the orange in half. Half again. Half again. Good. Now put the orange slices in the bowl. What should be the next fruit? Strawberries! I go to the fridge and grab a handful of strawberries. First, take off the top. Now cut in in half. Repeat. Good. What should be the next fruit? Banana! I go and grab a banana. First, peel the banana. Now cut down the length of the banana. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. Oww! Did I cut myself? I cut myself. They say I cut myself. I look at the board. I see blood. Is the blood real? They say it is real. Why do I feel pain? They told me that the man was real, and I didn’t feel pain. Why do I feel pain? They say to get stop the bleeding. I do not listen. I think they are lying. The blood isn’t real. They say I need to stop the bleeding. NO! THEY LIE! They say I could the cut could get infected. NO! THEY LIE! I grab my bowl of fruit and go to the table to eat. I eat. I think…….Are they truthful? They keep saying it might get infected. I do not understand. I do not think an infection is that big of a deal. They say an infection could kill me. I do not understand. Can demons die? I don’t think they can. Am I a demon?

Breakfast was good. Time to go to the pharmacy. I am out of my medication. I forgot to get some yesterday, so I didn’t have any medication in the morning. The city is big. There are a lot of cars. I do not drive. It is not a problem. I do not live far from the pharmacy. It is an easy walk. Time to go. I arrive at the pharmacy. I give them my name, number and my special paper. The pharmacist says it will be about 10 minutes, so she recommends I take a seat. I do. I quietly wait. They are not saying anything. Why are they not talking? They usually refute me going to get medication. Why are they not talking? Where are they? Are they gone? Why are they not here? Sir, the pharmacist calls. She motions me over. I get up to go get my medication. I say thank you and walk off. I begin to walk home. I see the cars racing by. The people are driving faster in this area. I do not know why. Why is the sidewalk shortening? Why is there a metal rail to my side? Did I take a wrong turn? They have returned. They say I am going the right way. I do not understand. This doesn’t feel right. They say not to worry. They say I am just seeing things. I do not understand. Why do gusts of air every time a car passes? Why do the drivers honk? What have I done? I continue to walk. I see a pole. I look up and see a sign. It says: SPEED LIMIT: 80MPH. I continue to walk. I see another sign. It says: TRUCKS: MAX SPEED: 55MPH. I see a final sign. It has a picture of a person with a circle and dash through in red, and says: NO PEDESTRIANS. I realize I did take a wrong turn. I walk onto the freeway. Am I in danger? They tell me not to worry. They remind me that demons cannot die. I see a truck. A big truck, it appears to be a semi pulling a trailer. I cannot make out the name. Regardless, they tell me that my turn is coming up. They are right. My turn is coming up. But the semi-truck is still approaching. It is getting very close. It looks only a few yards away and the driver is honking at me. I wonder for my safety. They remind me again. It is true. But I still think to myself. Can demons die? No they can’t. I am a demon.